Chapter 1.9 – Smile

I typed quickly against the keyboards. Every letter I pressed, a loud clacking sound followed in the air. It was maybe two or even three months since I spoke to Carl, and to be honest, I missed him. I liked telling him my stories and laughing with him. Things were different when he wasn’t around. Since we’ve spoken, I probably sent over twenty emails but he never answered. Sometimes I wonder if he even read them. I wrote…

Hey Carl. As you probably know, this is my twenty-eighth email that I’ve sent since we last spoke. I don’t even know if you’ve been reading what I’ve been writing. I just really want you to come back into my life. I’m sorry you got upset last time, and you have every right to be mad at me, but I just want to get a second chance. I was blind for not knowing about your sexual preferences, but I’ll make it up to you. It’s different without you in my life, and I really hope you find the heart to forgive me. I miss you buddy, please come back.

Your friend, Faith.

I pressed the large Enter button and watched as the message was sent.

* * *

* * *

“Patty, this is ridiculous. It’s one thing to let go of school, but I just want to meet this boy.”

“Why, it’s none of your business!?”

“Your my daughter, and because of him you won’t get an education. This better be my business.”

“What are you going to do? You’ll just embarrass me in front of my friends!”

“I won’t do anything Patty! I just want to see this boy for myself and see what type of guys you like.”

“Whatever. Fine. But if you make me lose him, I’ll never talk to you again!”

“Don’t speak to me like that!”

“Ya whatever. You don’t believe me, but I’m serious. Jayden already proposed that once I’m eighteen I can move in with him if I want to.”

“Are you crazy! You’re not moving out at eighteen and especially not with him!”

“You can’t control that. So stop being so boring about everything and maybe I’ll stay when I’m eighteen.”

* * *

* * *

I wasn’t sure how to tell Joshua that I was pregnant. What if he asked why or how? I definitely didn’t want to start a conversation about the birds and the bees?

“Hey Josh? Mommy has really good news for you?”

“What?”

“You see this big bump?” I pointed towards my belly. “Well, this means you’re going to have a little baby brother or sister!”

“Oh, um, okay.”

“Are you excited?” My large smile started to fade as I saw that Joshua didn’t seem thrilled.

“Yeah, yeah I am. I’ll still keep my room though, right?”

“Yes, of course, don’t worry about that.”

He reached out his little hand and rubbed my belly. He smiled, “I hope it’s a boy.”

* * *

* * *

It was early morning and I walked outside, wearing a large bathing suite because of the heat. I looked out to see if I could greet any neighbors, but there was no one to be seen. Reaching into my mail box, I took out my usual bills, and then there was a surprising content. A small, white box with a red ribbon was inside. It was a small cube and was very well-wrapped. I looked at it confused, looked once more to see if anyone was around to greet, but I saw no one. I headed back inside, tightly holding onto the little wrapped box.

I headed inside, dropped the bills on the counter and brought the mysterious box to the kitchen table. Sitting down, I delicately undid the ribbon and popped the top open. Inside was a small photograph of Jeffrey smiling in an army suit. Behind the picture was written in permanent marker, “Told you I was in the army! 🙂 ” I smiled to myself, looking once again at the picture. I looked back inside the box to find a folded up letter.

Hey Faith! Okay, so clearly this was written by me, Jeffrey. I just wanted to let you know that I definitely didn’t forget about you and I’m still waiting for your calls! Ever since I learned I had a daughter, it’s been on my mind day and night. You said we would meet again sometime, so I’ve stayed patient and waited for you to contact me, but it never happened. I understand though, I mean you’re probably busy. I’ll be out-of-town for a week, but I was thinking once I got back we can see each other? If it’s not too much to ask, I’d also like to meet Patricia. Only if you want to though. Don’t get me wrong, I want to see you too! hehe. Let me know Faith, or else I’ll have to be a pain in your butt and keep sending you letters 😉 Talk to you soon, Jeff.

I smiled and kept smiling. Looking down at the letter I couldn’t help but appreciate the thought he had put into this. Something about his words, told me he was saying the truth. He truly did want to meet his long-lost daughter and meet up again with me.

I took out a paper and pen and thought about what I was going to answer back. I decided to make things short and sweet.

To be honest with you, I’ll be more than happy to meet up with you. You’re right, I’ve been so caught up in things that I had no time to get back to you. I do appreciate you contacting me though. As for Patty, I hope she wants to meet you. She’s been acting like a rebel lately and I truly feel I’m losing her. I don’t know what to do anymore, but I’m sure she’ll want to see her own father at least once. Call me for next week once your back in town. It was nice of you to send me this letter, I appreciate it. Love, Faith.

I put my letter into the same box that he had sent to me, and I added a small picture of Patty. Behind it, I wrote, “Looks just like her father.”

I got up, took the box in my hand, and a sudden pain made me drop the delicate package to the floor. I felt a hard PANG in my stomach. Reflexively I grabbed onto the kitchen table with one hand, another hand pressing against my stomach. I felt a sudden liquid trickling down my leg; my water had broken. I tried not to yell, but a few screams were let loose. I wanted to scream out for Marcus, but realized he was at work and Patty was at a friend’s house. Holding tightly onto the table, I saw Joshua rushing into the room.

“Ma!? Wha…what’s wrong?”

I took several deep breaths and finally, I was able to talk. “I’m having the baby. It’s coming now!” Josh was looking around trying to think of what to do to help me. Clearly he was in discomfort and was starting to panic. The pain was unbearable, but I couldn’t get rushed to the hospital now. There was no one to bring me, and there was no use in calling an ambulance to come. “Josh, just get me a wet towel, and then stay right outside the kitchen! I’ll call you if I need anything.”

Finally, four hours later, Marcus came home. He insisted on going to the hospital, but I refused, saying it was going to happen any second now and that it would be better done here. It was only in the next two hours, however, that I finally gave birth! At the birth of our new baby boy, everyone was home to welcome the newcomer!

We all surrounded the newborn child and after a family discussion we all agreed on the name, Austin. I cuddled Austin and held him in my arms. He had exactly my eyes. His hair was a dark shade of blonde, but his eyes were the same exact blue as mine. I smiled down at him and he smiled back up. I was happy with my kids, and Austin was simply adding to my joy.

* * *

* * *

It was one thing to not want an unborn child, but once that child is taken in your arms and living in your house, it is almost impossible to not want him or her. It’s for that reason I needed to have a serious talk with Marcus. I was curios to see what he thought of Austin and if he still felt a part of this family.

“Marcus, I’m going to ask you straight-forward and I want you to answer me back the same way. Are you happy about having kids and being a part of this family?”

“Are we going to talk about this again? Faith I’m tired of this, you keep asking me!”

“I keep asking because you never answer me truthfully!” It had been under a minute that we were talking, and already there was tension in the air.

“Ok fine!” Marcus was yelling now. “You want the truth Faith!? I think it’s hard okay! It’s really hard!” He grabbed my wrist tightly, gripping on to them and not letting go. I was too afraid and shocked to talk. Tears started coming to my eyes because of the fear and pain he was causing me at one moment. He continued yelling, but his grip on me loosened. “Faith I never wanted kids in the first place! This never was the type of life I was supposed to live! I was always a ladies man and now I’m here trapped in a prison, but you know what!” He stared at me, hatred and anger filling his eyes. I looked back up at him, tears running down my cheeks and my wrists throbbing. Finally he let go of my wrists, and blurted out, “I stayed to make you happy Faith! I’m here for you but you don’t even seem to appreciate it!”

I took my wrist and arms and tucked them closer towards me. I was shaken by his reaction, but after a few breaths I was able to find the voice to speak. “Marcus, please calm down! Austin is sleeping, and I don’t want Josh to hear you angry like this.”

“It’s always about the kids isn’t it!”

“That’s how being a parent is. Listen Marcus you’re really scaring me right now. Can you please not get so angry every time we talk.”

“Ok, ok. You’re right, I’m sorry. I over reacted. It’s just I miss the way things use to be when it was just you and me.”

Marcus walked away, leaving me standing in the living room, still rubbing onto my wrists who were now aching and red.

* * *

* * *

After long hours of talking, and arguing, Patty and I finally came to an understanding that I was going to meet her boyfriend. Patty called Jayden and he agreed on coming over. I was happy that I was going to meet him in the comfort of my own home.

* * *

* * *

The doorbell rang and by the time I reached the entrance, Patricia had already greeted Jayden and invited him inside. He was short, and wore loose, baggy clothing. His cap hung lopsided, and I noticed how his ears were pierced. The second he saw me, he took out his hand and said, “Oh! Um, Hi. I’m Jayden. You must be Pat’s mom.” I shook his hand and gave my most respectful smile. I already didn’t like him. With his pants hanging low, his dirty shoes with more than a few holes and his unfastened, baggy shirt. Just inching closer to me, I could smell the odor of smoke absorbed into his clothes and alcohol on his breath. I couldn’t help but ask, “Have you been drinking?”

Patty shot me a daring look, but I didn’t care. Jayden replied, his voice husky and low, “Um, well, not really. I just had a beer on my way here. It’s none of your business anyway.” I bit my tongue to resist the urge of replying rudely. Instead, I asked, “I’m guessing you smoke too?”

“Yeah, I do. So what?” He looked back at me defensively. Patricia hadn’t said a word yet, but I could see the caution in her eyes. I have to admit I couldn’t be mad at him for being a smoker. My parents had smoked their whole lives, and I won’t lie, but I’ve smoked a few times throughout my life as well. When I was a teenager, it was cool to smoke and as I grew older, I had a few cigarettes here and there in moments of stress.

I tried aborting a smoother, casual topic. “So, um, Jayden, how old are you?”

“I’m nineteen.”

“And you live alone?”

“Yeah. Sometimes I have friends over, you know.”

“How come you aren’t living with your parents? Or in school?”

He sighed, looked at me with an annoyed look. “I’m not with my parents ’cause they didn’t want me around and I didn’t want them. And school is useless and boring. Now any more question Mrs. Officer?”

“No, no that’s all. Do any of you want something to drink?” I went into the kitchen and prepared lemonade to handout.

I was pouring the fresh cool lemonade into three separate cups when I overheard Jayden and Patricia talking. Patty was talking, her voice almost a whisper. “Jayden can you please try to have a better image? You’re meeting my mom just once in your life and you bring up nothing positive.”

“Fine, I’ll tell her I have a job. She should respect that.”

“No, she won’t because sure you have a job but you’re not in school anymore. And because of you I’m not in school either!”

“Pat don’t start with this again. At eighteen you’ll be able to move in with me and you won’t have that witch always over you telling you what to do. Just wait another year and things will be perfect. Who cares what your mom thinks.”

“Yeah, I know but Jayden..”

“No buts. Forget your mom.”

I couldn’t help but interfere in their conversation. I busted in between them and started yelling right at Jayden.

“How could you even speak to my daughter like that! You’re completely manipulating her into destroying her life!” I turned towards Patty. “Do you want to end up like this bum! Living on his own and scratching off his own money!”

Jayden yelled back at me, having no respect, “Ok I don’t care what you think! Pat come on we’re getting outta here!”

“No no no, Patricia is not going with you. She is staying right here with me! You however, I want you out of my house this instance!”

Patricia looked as Jayden leaving and whispered to him, “I’ll call you tonight.”

I escorted Jayden to the door, and turned to see Patty. She looked furious. Her arms were crossed and her foot was tapping roughly against the wooden floors.

“Thanks Ma for ruining everything!” She yelled at me, and stomped into her room, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

* * *

I lay in my bed unable to fall asleep. Marcus was out for poker night at a friend’s house and the kids were asleep. It was maybe nearing midnight but I couldn’t get my eyes to shut. I kept thinking to myself, if I was being a good mother and a good wife. I wasn’t officially married to Marcus but living together, raising children together and arguing seemed everything attached to marriage. Maybe I was being too hard on Marcus? Maybe he was right to yell at me. As for being a good mom, I doubt I was succeeding. My eldest daughter is a dropout who wants to move out as soon as possible, and to top things off she just about hates me. Then there’s Joshua who is as quiet as a ghost. I don’t know if he just doesn’t like me, or maybe somethings wrong with him. Lastly, there’s Austin who already at a young age is causing trouble I can’t control. He seems to cry uncontrollably every night and day. I treat him the way I treated my other kids when they were toddlers, but things don’t seem to work.

It was silence throughout the house, the only sound coming from my alarm clock, ticking away at every second. I was so lost into my thoughts, it took me a few seconds to realize my cell phone was ringing. I rushed off the bed to pick it up and answered. The voice that greeted me on the other side of the line simple brought a smile to my face. In a moment like this, I couldn’t ask for anything or anyone better to talk to.

“Hey Faith? Sorry if I’m calling so late, it’s Jeffrey. I’m back in town.”

[2864words]

ps. I think that’s as much as I’ve ever written!O: